Overview
- The objective of this plan is to proactively plan for all the non-baby details in the first 4 weeks so that you feel completely free to focus on baby.
- We've included the most common topics but customize as is right for your family.
- The 3 main parts to cover are: 1) logistics 2) systems and 3) options.
- Logistics: from who's covering meals and keeping the house in order to paying bills and replenishing groceries/goods, let's lock down who's doing what for the first 4 weeks.
- Systems: let's set up the systems to help things get into a smooth rhythm - from feeding to diapering to sleeping
- Options: work through different options of things you may want to use for Photos, Tracking, Traveling and more
- Complete any section that shows:
- [ ] ACTION →
- Missing things that you'd like to see? Add them here:
✨ Let's get started. Use this table of contents to tackle things in the order you want.
1. Daily Logistics
This list might sound basic, given that these are things you're used to doing now, before baby is born, but this is one area many parents end up being surprised - how tasks they'd previously felt they could tackle informally became frustrating to stay on top of.
By proactively planning, you can modify at will but have a default ready to go.
Our recommendation is that in the first 2 weeks especially, see if you can outsource every one of these logistics tasks to someone other than you and your partner.
a) Visiting and social schedule
Family
One of the biggest (unintended) stresses is figuring out which family members will be visiting, when, and where they'll be staying. This is a deeply personal decision based on your and your partner's relationships but our general recommendation is figure out which grandparents are the most useful (read: will pitch in to help with things around the home as well as be support for the tricky initial days) and try to get at least a week or two of help from the start. For other family members, if the visits are mostly social, then try to ask for only 2-3 days at a time, spread over multiple visits - eg. at 2 weeks, at a month etc.
Depending on how much room you have at home (typically it's not much), try to figure out how no more than one set of family is staying with you. Most of all, make sure you don't find yourself in the position of playing "host" for anyone, especially in the first 4 weeks. Gently but firmly asking for family to stay at a nearby hotel/airbnb might be made easier if you can cover it/come up with ready options for them.
One last note → where possible, try to space out visits/help as much as possible over the first 3 months while still having good blocks of time where it's just the three of you so you also have a chance to get into a new family groove. Overall, do what feels right for you, and just explain that to everyone else. Hopefully they'll understand and respect that.
- [ ] ACTION → Fill out this schedule planner and see how it all looks on the Calendar View
Social visits
Visits from friends, coworkers, neighbors can be a tricky thing. On one hand, it's a welcome reprieve on days that feel like they stretch endlessly, especially if one partner has a short parental leave. On the other hand, most people tend to visit in the evenings, one of the hardest times for babies and new parents.
In general, try to vary visits between lunches, afternoon coffees and before dinner visits, after you've had a chance to settle in the first 2 weeks. Most plans will be subject to last minute bailing if the baby is fussy or any number of other things so make sure you let the other person know that from the start. And take it slow the first couple of times you attempt social adventures outside of the home. You'll be shocked at how long it takes you to get packed up and out the door.
- [ ] ACTION → make a list of friends/coworkers etc that you'd like to see in the first month and start reaching out when you feel ready.
b) Meals: how are all the adults getting fed?
Such a simple thing but it's surprising how much time making sure everyone is fed ends up taking, especially if there are more people in the home in the early days. Make it easier for everyone by having a general plan. Our recommendation is to have a close friend create a Meal Train for at least the first 2 weeks and have family members take on the other meals.
Options
- Meal Train: Set up (or have a friend set up) a meal train where friends sign up to bring over meals, based on your needs. https://www.mealtrain.com/
- Delivery: Uber Eats, DoorDash etc → Great for convenience esp for a short time or to fill in gaps given cost/health factors. Make sure you have the apps/accounts set up and remember to account for delays (nursing stirs up ravenous appetites
- Meal kits: Blue Apron etc → can save on time to prep but might also be more hassle than you're up for
- Self Cooking: You or your partner handle cooking duties. Even if you love to cook, it's great to at least plan for the first week or two to have others managing meals, even if it is delivery.
- Family cooking: Get any visiting family members to help out.
- [ ] ACTION → Complete this plan for 4 weeks:
c) Cleaning/Chores - who's keeping the home clean and running?
- Garbage/recycling
- Dishes
- Laundry: Don't be shocked at how quickly laundry
- Buying all the things: Have your Amazon account ready to go, even with Alexa integrated speakers.
- Buying list
- Yard work
- Groceries
- Grocery List
Options
- Outsource: eg. cleaners, household helper, gardener
- Family: put any visiting family members to work
- Self: only as a last resort, esp in first two weeks
- [x] ACTION → Figure out who's doing what chores, when.
d) Paying Bills/ Admin - make sure important bills and even things like tax returns are planned for
Options
- Autopay
- Prescheduled time/day to review
- Prepay
- [ ] ACTION → Make a list of all bills/admin items, when they're due and the plan
e) Birth announcements
Options✨ Popular → Minted, Tiny Prints👩🏽🎨 Designer → Artifact Uprising
🖥 Digital → Paperless Post
🌲Eco friendly → Paper Culture
- [ ] ACTION → Make a list of which people will be notified, how. If you'll be doing formal announcements, get your mailing list and messaging ready now. Similarly for an email after the birth. Either have a draft ready or think about how you want to tackle it (funny? short and sweet?) so you're not spending too much time on it at the hospital.
f) Pack for the hospital checklist
Ask for help list
- After going through this list - find the places that you can ask family/friends to explicitly help. Often everyone wants to help without overstepping - here is a great opportunity to ask for exactly the help you could use.
2. Systems
This section is about setting up little systems for the main tasks you'll be doing each day with baby. Before baby is born, set up your home with feeding/diapering/play/sleep stations in 2-3 different areas in the home.For example, during the day, you'll likely want a place to feed/diaper and put the baby down for a nap in the family room area. So set up a diaper station plus nursing pillow and a pack n' play here.
At night all of this will likely either be in your room for the first bit, or in the nursery.
Play around with what works for you but know that in the first couple of weeks, it'll be tight loops of feeding, diapering, sleeping, playing. And repeat.
Feeding
- Nursing/feeding stations around home → pick a couple comfy spots where you can get settled in for the frequency and sometimes marathon feeding sessions. Stock them with burp clothes, nursing pillow, and good entertainment options for mama (books, Netflix etc).
- Breastfeeding →
- What to expect: Breastfed babies tend to eat more frequently than formula fed babies because breast milk is so easy to digest. Expect to feed around 8-12/day or every 1.5-2 hours
- Look for signs like nuzzling against the breast when held or opening their mouth, making sucking motions or putting clenched fist in mouth. Otherwise, given small tummies, assume they'll be hungry within 2 hours or less
- Formula → whatever your plan, whether to breastfeed exclusively, supplement or feed fully with formula, it's a good idea to have an idea of what formula you'd like to use.
- Options
- Most popular: https://www.babylist.com/hello-baby/best-baby-formula
- European options (strong preference for organic): https://thebabyswag.com/the-best-european-baby-formula-worth-trying/
- [x] ACTION → Pick a brand or two to have ready at home
- Pumping → choose the right pumping system for you (including which your insurance may/may not cover. Before baby is born, get familiar with the process and mechanism. A perk of pumping and storing milk will be that your partner can start taking some feeding shifts, an important way to share one of the biggest responsibilities, early on.
- Options (https://www.babylist.com/hello-baby/best-breast-pump)
- Popular → Spectra S1/S2, Medela Freestyle/ Instyle
- Newer/ more discrete → Elvie, Willow
- Other gear:
- Storage bags: Laninsoh Storage bags
- Sterilizing bags: Medela Micro Steam bags
- Cleaning wipes: Medela Quick Clean wipes
- [ ] ACTION → Buy a pump and supporting gear. Start thinking about when you might want to start pumping in short sessions.
Diapering
- Diapering stations → create 2-3 stations around the home by taking a small basket/storage bin and loading each with ~20 diapers, wet wipes, diaper cream/vasaline and put it next to a change pad with cover and a diaper genie/disposal bucket. Little extras to have on hand would be burp clothes, pacifiers, lotion. Usual locations will be nursery, your bedroom, family room.
- What to expect → in the first 4 weeks, expect 6+ wet (pee) diapers/day and 3-4 BMs (bowel movements or poops) diapers/day, so around 10-12 diapers in a day. Between 1-5 months, this number will likely drop to around 8-10 diapers/day. Also, babies that are breastfed (which is more easily/quickly digested) generally go through more diapers than formula fed babies.
- General guidance for diaper ordering:
- [ ] ACTION → Practice changing diapers if you want, using a doll and some newborn diapers so you'll really be comfortable when you have a squirming/squealing baby.
Sleeping
- Whole books are writing on sleep, from babies that have inverted sense of day/night in the beginning to the merrits of "dream feeds" to getting baby on a schedule. In the beginning, just know that days will just be seemingly endless loops of 4-6 hour cycles of feeding, diapering, sleeping. The first 4 weeks will really just be about knowing that and finding ways to trade-off where you can.
- Option for online class around sleep: https://takingcarababies.com/newborn-class/
- Swaddling → Especially in the early weeks, many babies like being swaddled and it may help them sleep better/longer (helps them not get as startled when their limbs jerk around).
- [ ] ACTION → Practice swadding using a doll so that like diapering, you'll be a pro by the time you have a live, wiggingling baby you're trying to wrangle. An example video: https://youtu.be/Wr52Qwuephk
Playing
- Create an area in the family room or similar where you can comfortably be on the floor for longer periods of time. You'll be able to set up the playgym and eventually have baby practice tummy time here.
Nighttime duties
- Sleep is the most notable way that life with newborns/infants is hard on everyone. Depending on how long your leave is, how flexible and demanding your job is and what your budget is. No doubt, getting a night nurse is incredible (essentially a trained professional that cares for the baby in the night hours, bringing the baby in only to feed or feeding via bottle so that both parents can sleep) but it's very pricey and not everyone wants someone in their home.
- Depending on how labor goes, it may be that both parents need to be up with the baby (eg. if mom needs to recouperate and dad needs to bring baby to her to feed) but otherwise, many couples will eventually have split nights where one parent sleeps in the room with the baby and does all tasks (diapering, feeding) while the other gets a full night's sleep.
Options
- Outsource → Night nurse
- Alternate
- Both in it
- [ ] ACTION → If you'd like explore a night nurse, ask friends, hospital or neighborhood friends for recommendations. Otherwise, create a plan for the first 2 weeks and then ongoing, depending on work and schedule factors.
Transportation
- For most people this means having an infant car seat properly installed in your car pre-baby (otherwise you won't be allowed to take baby home → literally one of the only things you must do before baby is born)
- But for those living in urban areas, without cars, practice taking the car seat in an Uber/Lyft or in the subway. There are a lot of doctors appointments in the first 4 weeks so it'll be good to feel confident in your transportation.
3. Options
Herein lies the many things you can choose to do/use or not. Shared in the spirit of discovery and experimentation to find what works for you.
Photo sharing
Options
Popular → Google Photos, iPhoto
Baby tracking app
Options
Popular →
Designer → Baby Steps, Nara Baby
[MORE TO COME HERE]
